Finding Faith ... in asking why we're prone to criticism

Last week, in an effort to change up our confirmation class a bit, and give the kids a break from listening to their pastor drone on about New Testament books written by the Apostle Paul, I took the lesson and made a crossword puzzle out of it.

Going back a month or so ago, one night looking to mix it up a bit, I split the group into two and sent them on their way to do a group exercise. They were tasked with breaking down the night's lesson about the book of Romans into a 5 minute presentation to the rest of the class.

The kids loved it! ... And they asked for more "fun" confirmation classes like it in the future. So that was the impetus of the crossword puzzle. I figured the kids still had to study the material to learn the answers. So it wasn't like I was totally abdicating the lesson that night. I was just presenting it in a different format.

The only problem is that I got a late start on my project, and because of the constraints on time at my day job at my media company, I was working on the project with too little time left. Moving quickly, I made an error in the construction of the boxes on one of the clues in the crossword puzzle. One out of 15 mind you.

And like clockwork, just five minutes into the exercise, one of the students caught the error. And then the entire class of five students fixated on it for close to 10 minutes. Rather than focusing on the fact that their pastor took two hours of his day to develop a lesson that was aimed at being fun and an alternative to a boring lecture, they fixated on the error, as if that minor obstacle was going to ruin the exercise for them.

It reminded me of the old adage about Albert Einsten's less to his class. He writes the following formulas on the chalkboard 9 x 1 = 9, 9 x 2 = 18, 9 x 3 = 27, 9 x 4 = 36, 9 x 5 = 45, 9 x 6 = 54, 9 x 7 = 63, 9 x 8 = 72, 9 x 9 = 81 and 9x10 = 91. His class howls at his mistake. And then Einstein says: ′′ Despite me answering the first nine questions correctly, no one congratulated me. Instead, when I got one wrong, everyone started laughing. This means that despite being very successful, society will only notice the smallest mistake and make fun of it. Don't let simple criticism destroy your dreams."

Interestingly, that very same night after our confirmation class, we were downstairs in our Fellowship Hall where our youth group was serving dinner before that night's Lenten Wednesday worship service.

I was sitting at a table of our confirmands and a few of the parents. One parent asked the kids what they learned in confirmation class. And the student who first identified the error in the crossword puzzle retold the story, again fixating on the error!

After the student had finished, the very clever parent, who happened to be the student's mother, said, "Huh, so what I'm hearing is that your pastor, who is busy with another full-time job and his own family, took the time to create a fun confirmation lesson for you. And rather than thank him for that, you focused on the one, tiny error that you found in the crossword? ... Is that right? ... Sounds a lot like parenting."

To be honest, I don't think the comment made that much of a difference to the students. I don't think they heard what the mom was trying to say at all. But it did make me feel better, at least!

Since that night I've been thinking about our innate reaction to criticize a small mistake versus celebrate well-intended effort. I think it is a corrupted earthly value that helps us to bring others down to make ourselves feel better. And our kids pick up on these sometimes subtle clues very early in life, thus creating a perpetual loop of criticism rather than praise.

This isn't how we're supposed to react as faithful people. The point of being in community with each other is to help raise each other up. There's dozens of examples, but Hebrews 10:24-25 is a prime one: "24 And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ... And there are so many more.

We as faithful people are called to be encouraging, supportive and helpful to our neighbors. This is the trait that we should be teaching our kids. This goes far beyond the pastor's ego that is bruised when his confirmation class calls out his mistake. This is about teaching a life lesson to our kids. This is about training them to lift others up so that they will take a stand when a classmate is being bullied or they see injustice in the world.

I live in glass house, of course. I know I fall back on criticism of others too at times. And I'm trying to rid that from my life. There are times that advice and constructive feedback are important to give others out of love. But I just don't think that there ever is a time that criticism in necessary. ... And I think Jesus would agree.