I'm ashamed to admit that our new rescue puppy, Howie, is a Christmas yard ornament assasin.
That's right, if it lights up, blows up or surrounds little baby Jesus in his manager, and you place it on your front yard, there's a good chance this "blood thirsty" rogue has his eye on it.
In just the past couple of weeks, he's attempted to attack a blow-up Santa and Christmas tree (in the same yard!); sword danced with a 4-foot-tall, wire-framed, trumpeting angel that's bedecked in white lights; and maybe worst of all, unabashedly tipped over the donkey of a nativity set, with the poor baby Jesus watching just feet away.
There is another house along our usual neighbor route that has a blow-up cat that's adorned with a Santa hat, but fortunately for its health, it's safely tucked under the eave of a house and out of reach of this brown and tan miniature Grinch, who's not allowed to roam very far off the sidewalk.
I mean, don't let this little guy's furry good looks fool ya! He's dastardly when it comes to outside Christmas jollly!
Given the ubiquity of those popular video doorbells nowadays, I anxiously wonder each night when we go out for our stroll through the neighborhood, if some super secret Christmas cheer enforcment agency has laid a trap for us, and as we round a corner we'll be ambushed by agents dressed in black from head to toe. ... And there Howie will go off in four-legged pawcuffs.
I mean the video evidence has to exist at one of our neighbors' houses, as the little Howster has been very ardent in his attempts to "sleigh" his first yard ornament of the season. Surely, one of our neighbors has irrefutable video evidence of our canine's holiday misdeeds. But it seems they must be holding on to it to spring it on us at the exact right time, maybe in a ploy to extort the maximum amount of hush money from us to keep Howie out of the puppy hoosgow.
After several weeks, Howie's older brother, Gus Gus, is all but done with his brother's yard ornament vendetta. While the first few times Howie encountered such ornamental nemises on our nightly walks, Gus Gus stopped and watched with an amused but disdainful smile at the youngster carrying on like the Angel Gabriel was going to slice him up with that trumpet. Never mind the fact that, just a few short years ago, Gus Gus, was the one who was likely to pull these kinds of stunts on the nightly walk with his brother, Cody.
But now, Gus Gus is the elder statesman, and he's totally over this silliness because he's smart enough to have figured out that the more time his brother messes around with the oh so scary blow-up Christmas tree, it's less time that Gus Gus gets to stop and sniff the "roses" ... also known as the new aromas at the base of every boulevard tree along the two mile walk around our neighborhood.
You see, he's figured out that if Dad is too tied up yanking the youngster away from potential fistacuffs with a nylon inflated Santa, he's far less willing to allow Gus Gus his extra minutes sniffing the bases of his favorite trees along the route. And there is nothing more that Gus Gus loves than keeping olfactory tabs of which other canines have passed through the neighborhood.
As of late, when Gus Gus sees Howie heading for a potential altercation, he's more apt to give him a good sharp bark to bring him in line, than he is to passively support the endeavor. After all, watching your numbskill younger brother attack inanimate Christmas decorations in the yard just isn't as much fun as marking off every tree so that the other boys in the neighborhood know that Gus Gus came through last night to survey his kingdom.
With several weeks left before the Christmas decoractions come down in our neighborhood, I'm not sure where this is all going to end. I may be bailing Howie out of the clink, he may have a difficult time finding his way off Santa's naughty list and Gus Gus may thump him a good one when we're not looking for taking away his sniffing and marking time.
Please say a prayer for all of us!