Finding Faith ... in witnessing the Holy Spirit at work

A screenshot of our Facebook Live service on Tuesday night.

In the times that I can absolutely identify that the Spirit is at work in this world and my eyes are open enough to see it, I am moved to goosebumps.

In the days and hours leading up to our live service on Tuesday night, I had a ball of nerves roiling in my stomach, an my anxiety was higher than it ever has been leading up to a sermon. ... Even including my very first sermon at Faith Lutheran some three-plus years ago!

Tuesday night's service was the first time since the violent insurrection that took place last Wednesday in our nation's Capitol that I had to address the events in a live worship. I had chosen to stay away from a direct message via our social media channels because I did not want the message to get lost in a partisan keyboard battle that so regularly happens. ... And so I prayed, read, listened and talked with other clergy colleagues about how they were responding to the violence, the failed leadership and the hatred.

What the Spirit ultimately told me that the proper way to address it was from the pulpit, using the gospel as the foundation and prophetically calling out the evil that manifested itself in Washington, D.C., on that day and the evil manifested in the ring leader of the Capitol takeover.

But even though I heard the Spirit loud and clear, that didn't make the task any easier. ... I admit that I struggled to even put pen to paper during the days leading up to Tuesday. And finally with only hours to go before service, I barricaded myself in my pastor's office, prayed for the Spirit's guidance and let the words come. The sermon wrote itself, and never once did I stop because I couldn't find the words. The Spirit knew what had to be said, and used my hand and pen as a vehicle. ... And I was so confident in the message that once done, I never even looked back to proofread it, a cardinal sin for this writer pastor.

I took the sheets and my service materials and headed to the sanctuary where our Digital Services Team was preparing for the night's service. ... And as I walked from the pastor's office down the hall to the Sanctuary, I could feel the lead in my feet and the perspiration under my arms. ... I knew this was going to be a sermon like any other I'd given in my three-plus years of service at our church. I was anxious; I was sweating; and of course, I was imagining the worst.

But I plunged ahead, greeted our Digital Services Team members who have been serving faithfully and dedicatedly since we shut our doors to in-person services last March. And then I began my usual service preparations, which included a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to come. ... Come infuse our sanctuary with its presence, and help to send out our message of the Good News to whoever was listening that night and later on our social channels when the video gets posted. ... But this Tuesday night, I said an extra prayer, asking for the Spirit to give the courage to preach the message it had written down for me. And then I went calm while our pianist played the prelude to our service.

After he finished, I remember a sense of peace take hold of me as I walked to the lectern to begin service, and while I know I was still sweating, I was no longer fearful. ... Just melancholy at the thought of having to preach the message that must be preached. The anxiety gave way to a surreal feeling of ... "How did we get here?"

Soon, the familiar rhythms of service lulled me further into a calm state. ... A greeting. Announcements. Confession and Forgiveness. ... The day's prayer. ... All of it helped to center me as I embraced the prophetic call that I have been given as a preacher in our glorious church, and by the time I stepped away from the lectern to allow our pianist and soloist to lead us in our first hymn, I was embolden by what had to be done.

By the time our reader finished the first and second readings, with the psalm squeezed in between, I was ready to come back to the lectern to deliver the night's gospel: John 1:43-51 ... the story of Philip's witness to Nathanael. ... And as I delivered the last word of the text, I was hit with an energy surge that can be described as nothing less than the Holy Spirit taking over. ... Kicking me out of the driver's seat, and pushing me over to the passenger's seat for the ride. ... And the two of us delivered the message the Spirit meant for someone to hear that night.

When I finished message, and had uttered the "amen," the sanctuary seemed quiet enough to hear a pin drop. ... I gripped the edge of the lectern, and breathed for what seemed like the first time since I started the sermon. ... And I barely remember calling our soloist and pianist back to lead us in song one more time.

I walked off stage right, took a seat in the first pew, and let the adrenaline pour from my pores. ... I felt more tired and helplessly drained than the one and only time that I've run a half marathon. ... The message was delivered. My job was done. ... And the Spirit had departed. Had stopped the car, pulled over and pulled me back over to complete the final leg of the drive.

And almost immediately the anxiety returned en force. ... What was the reaction going to be? How would people receive the message? ... Was I doomed?

Fearing the worst, and knowing that I had a few minutes yet before the hymn being sung was done, I cautioned a look at my phone to see the comment section on our church's Facebook livestream, of course, bracing for disaster.

But, lo and behold, what did I see? ... In the comments section was a message from my dearest seminary friend, and it simply said: "Preach!" ... And my heart soared!

In that moment, I knew absolutely that the Holy Spirit had carried me through that service. That the Holy Spirit, knowing what had to be written, what had to be said and what had to be broadcast wasn't about to let me do it on my own. ... And most certainly, the Spirit was demonstrating to me that she was still present, still active and most importantly that all would be well.

Later that night, when I had time, I texted my friend and thanked her for being present online to hear that message and to support me. I cannot share how much it means to me to have had someone who also knows the fear of preaching a necessary prophetic message there in person while I was doing it. ... Talk about witnessing indeed!

My friend has tuned in other times for our services. So that wasn't unique, but I don't why she tuned in this particular time. ... But I will share that I don't need an answer from my friend, of course, because I have a sneaky suspicion that that was the work of the Holy Spirit too. ... And today, two full days later, I still have goosebumps.

Come Holy Spirit! Come! ... Indeed!